#288 ‒ The impact of gratitude, serving others, embracing mortality, and living intentionally | Walter Green
Peter Attia interviews Walter Green, a philanthropist and founder of the "Say It Now" movement. They discuss Green's challenging upbringing, his unique approach to life, the importance of intentionality, prioritizing relationships, and expressing profound gratitude to loved ones before the end of life.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Walter Green's Background and Life Stages
Challenging Childhood and Early Life Experiences
Mental Breakdown and Recovery Journey
Professional Evolution and Entrepreneurial Success
The First 'Say It Now' Experience: 50th Birthday Celebration
The Power of Public Appreciation and Group Expression
Developing Intentionality and the Art of Saying No
The Second 'Say It Now' Experience: 70th Birthday Gratitude Journey
Profound Impact of Acknowledging Gratitude
Cultivating Authentic Relationships and Purpose
The 'Say It Now' Movement: Global Expansion and Impact
Defining and Achieving 'Finishing Strong'
Finding Peace and Purpose at the End of Life
The Importance of Focusing on Others
Resources and How to Start Your 'Say It Now' Journey
4 Key Concepts
Walter Green's Three Life Stages
Walter describes his life in three roughly 29-year stages: 'finding myself' (first 29 years), 'making myself' (next 29 years), and 'becoming myself' (final 29 years), reflecting a journey of self-discovery, achievement, and self-actualization.
Thinking in Reverse
This is a process of defining the desired outcome or 'what would have happened' for an experience to be successful, before considering the 'how'. It provides clarity, focus, and freedom in planning and execution, applicable to both professional and personal interactions.
Say It Now Movement
An initiative emphasizing the importance of expressing profound gratitude and appreciation to people who have significantly impacted one's life, while they are still alive. It aims to counteract the common practice of reserving such tributes for funerals, ensuring the recipient hears and feels the appreciation.
Finishing Strong
A deliberate and intentional process of preparing for the end of life by ensuring that one's affairs (financial, relational, personal) are in order and aligned with desired outcomes. It involves proactively addressing potential burdens on loved ones and cultivating peace through purpose and gratitude.
6 Questions Answered
Walter suggests focusing on meaningful conversations rather than superficial interactions, and being authentic, empathetic, and compassionate. He also highlights the value of spending time in groups that foster deep, real-life discussions.
By clearly defining ideal outcomes for personal and professional life over a set period (e.g., 1-3 years) and using these as guiding principles. If an opportunity doesn't align with these committed outcomes, it becomes easier to decline.
Public acknowledgment of someone's impact is more powerful than private thanks, as it amplifies the message and creates a shared, indelible experience for both the recipient and the group.
Many people die feeling unloved or unappreciated, while their funerals are filled with tributes they never heard. Expressing gratitude while they are alive provides profound fulfillment to both the giver and receiver, enriching their lives in the present moment.
Modeling authentic behavior and living by example is more impactful than simply speaking about values. Walter's sons, for instance, reflected on the 'footsteps to follow' and 'messages' they received from his actions.
By reflecting on one's blessings, acknowledging those who helped them, and focusing on being of service to others. It also involves accepting what cannot be controlled, such as the exact timing of death or the completion of all projects, and finding peace in the journey itself.
20 Actionable Insights
1. Define Success First, Work Backward
Adopt a ’thinking in reverse’ process: for any important endeavor or interaction, first define what a successful outcome would look like, then plan how to achieve it. This provides clarity and focus, ensuring time is well spent.
2. Live Intentionally, Don’t Take Life Granted
Embrace the understanding that life is short and unpredictable by living with innate intentionality and not taking anything for granted. This mindset drives purposeful action and maximizes each moment.
3. Express Gratitude While People Live
Challenge the custom of waiting until funerals to express profound appreciation; instead, make a deliberate effort to tell people how much they matter to you now. This ensures they hear your words and enriches both lives.
4. Set Ideal Life Outcomes, Benchmarks
Regularly define your ideal life outcomes across all key areas (personal, family, financial, health) for the next 1-3 years, then set six-month benchmarks. This allows you to track progress and adjust actions as needed to stay on track.
5. Cultivate Purpose Beyond Self
Develop a sense of purpose in life that extends beyond personal joy and pleasure, as this focus on others can provide energy, fulfillment, and potentially contribute to longevity.
6. Prioritize Commitments Over Interests
Distinguish between interests (which are pursued when convenient) and commitments (which are pursued even when inconvenient). Focus your energy on commitments to achieve meaningful results and avoid wasting time.
7. Use Outcomes to Decline Opportunities
Make saying ’no’ easier by aligning decisions with your clearly defined ideal life outcomes and indicators. If an opportunity doesn’t fit your established goals, it’s simple to decline.
8. Delay Commitments to Evaluate Alignment
When presented with a new opportunity, commit to taking a few days to think about it before saying yes. This provides time to assess its alignment with your established goals and priorities, saving you from misaligned obligations.
9. Leverage Group for Appreciation
When expressing gratitude, consider doing so in a group setting, as collective appreciation can be more powerful and impactful than individual expressions. This amplifies the message and connection.
10. Undertake a ‘Say It Now’ Journey
Dedicate time to connect with people who have significantly impacted your life, expressing specific gratitude for their influence and learning from their perspective. This can be a profound personal journey of acknowledgment.
11. Structure Gratitude Conversations Effectively
When expressing gratitude, use a structured approach: recall how you met, share specific shared experiences, detail why they were important, and ask for their perspective on your own character. This ensures depth and specificity in your appreciation.
12. Record and Share Gratitude Mementos
After significant gratitude conversations, record them (e.g., audio) and send a personalized memento (e.g., a picture, summary letter, or recording) to the person. This helps them process and revisit the appreciation, making it a lasting gift.
13. Plan Spouse’s Future Comfort
Proactively plan for your spouse’s future lifestyle and comfort, especially regarding living arrangements and financial affairs. This eases their burden and provides peace of mind in the event of your demise.
14. Accelerate Personal Philanthropic Giving
Consider accelerating your philanthropic efforts, not just for organizations but also for individuals who have been important in your life but may not have achieved similar financial success. This provides immediate impact and personal gratification.
15. Cultivate Authenticity, Empathy, Compassion
Develop and practice authenticity, empathy, and compassion in your interactions to foster deeper, more meaningful relationships with others. These qualities are foundational for genuine connection.
16. Embrace Challenges for Personal Growth
View life’s challenges as opportunities for growth, understanding that difficult experiences can strengthen you and shape your character. This mindset turns adversity into an asset.
17. Learn from Failure, Build Resilience
Recognize that failure is a part of life and an opportunity for self-discovery and resilience. Surviving failure can be a powerful learning experience that makes you stronger.
18. Engage in Therapy for Self-Discovery
Consider engaging in therapy as a valuable tool for self-discovery and personal growth, especially after traumatic or challenging life events. It can provide insights and coping mechanisms.
19. Recognize and Adapt to Marital Stages
Understand that marriage evolves through many stages (dating, kids, empty nest, retirement, aging) and actively adapt your love and care to your spouse as they change over time. This sustains and deepens the relationship through life’s transitions.
20. Utilize Say It Now Resources
Visit justsayitnow.org for tools, concepts, and guidance on how to effectively express gratitude to others, whether through notes, calls, or other means. This website provides practical support for initiating your gratitude journey.
7 Key Quotes
What doesn't break you makes you.
Walter Green
I've been walking up escalators. That's the way I live. I'm very intentional. I don't take anything for granted.
Walter Green
If this conversation is really successful, what would have happened by the end of it for us to know that our time was well spent?
Walter Green
It's not complicated. What I find incredible and why I'm really excited about this latest movement... is that relationships don't have the focus. And at the end of the day... there's something wrong with this picture.
Walter Green
Their central word was, I don't matter to anybody. Then she would go to the funerals of these people and hear the tributes that are paid to the person who's dying, who feels unloved, unappreciated, unacknowledged.
Walter Green
I always want to get done with this project before I go. But I came to two conclusions during this last finishing strong exercise... you, by definition, will die with an unfinished symphony.
Walter Green
I refuse that treatment. I'll take as long as I have, as long as I could be helpful to others.
Walter Green
2 Protocols
Walter Green's 70th Birthday Gratitude Journey
Walter Green- Identify people who made a significant difference in your life by asking, 'What difference did this person make in my life?' and bullet-pointing specific impacts.
- Visit each person, ideally in person, to have a dedicated conversation.
- During the conversation, cover four 'bases': 1) How did you first meet? 2) Share memories of experiences you had together. 3) Express specifically how they impacted your life, using notes from your preparation. 4) Ask them to share one piece of a 'mosaic' about who you are, from their perspective.
- Record the conversation (optional, but Walter did this).
- After the journey, send each person a picture, a 120-word letter summarizing the experience, and a framed CD of the conversation (Walter's specific follow-up).
Walter Green's 'Finishing Strong' Process
Walter Green- Ask yourself: 'If you could ideally finish strong (at the end of life), what would be happening? How would you know?'
- Detail key results across various areas of life, including personal relationships, family, finances, and health.
- Take concrete steps to achieve these results, such as: ensuring a comfortable lifestyle and environment for your spouse, becoming 'current' with all important relationships, publicly acknowledging the impact of others (e.g., mentees), liquidating complex investments to simplify financial affairs for your spouse, creating a clear, up-to-date list of financial steps for your spouse to follow, and continuing to prioritize physical health.