Auschwitz Survivor Reveals The Secret To Overcoming Any Obstacle In Life | Dr Edith Eger (RE-RELEASE) #253

1. Practice Self-Liberating Forgiveness

Practice forgiveness by letting go of the mental “concentration camp” you’ve built, releasing those you hate to liberate yourself from being a prisoner of the past.

2. Control Your View of Events

Understand that your feelings are not determined by external events themselves, but by your interpretation and view of those events, giving you control over your emotional state.

3. Change Your Thinking

Actively work to change your thought patterns, as this fundamental shift in thinking can profoundly transform your life.

4. Practice Daily Self-Love

Every morning, look in the mirror and affirm “I love me,” understanding that self-love is essential self-care and empowers you to consciously create your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors for the day.

5. Model Behavior for Children

Fathers (and parents) should model respectful and loving behavior, especially towards the mother of their children, as children learn more from what they see than what they are told.

6. Release Need for Approval

To achieve true freedom, you must be willing to give up the need for external approval from others, including parents.

7. Release Need to Prove

If you find yourself constantly trying to prove something to others, recognize that this desire indicates you are still mentally imprisoned and not truly free.

8. Set Good Boundaries

As a survivor, prioritize setting good boundaries with people, recognizing the importance of accepting limitations and establishing clear personal limits.

9. Reflect Inward on Triggers

When you feel friction or are triggered by something, instead of blaming others, look inward to understand what emotions or unresolved issues are being brought up in you, as you can only control your own reactions.

10. Eliminate Absolutist Language

Eliminate absolutist words like ‘always’ and ’never’ from your vocabulary, as they create negative, self-fulfilling prophecies; instead, use phrases like ‘up till now’ to acknowledge past patterns while opening to new choices.

11. Be Mindful of Language

Be highly mindful of the words you and your children use, questioning absolutist statements and distinguishing between true ’needs’ (essential for survival) and ‘wants’ to foster precise and empowering communication.

12. Don’t Medicate Grief

Do not medicate or minimize grief, as it is a natural and necessary reaction to loss that must be fully experienced to heal.

13. Process Rage, Don’t Get Stuck

Allow yourself to feel rage as part of the healing process, but be mindful not to get addicted or stuck in it, recognizing it as a temporary stage.

14. Address Fear Under Anger

Recognize that fear often underlies anger; identify and write down your fears, understanding they are learned and can be unlearned through positive reinforcement, such as listing five positives for every negative.

15. Foster Cooperation & Empowerment

Commit to cooperation over competition or domination, recognizing that mutual support and empowering each other, especially through differences, strengthens collective well-being.

16. Cultivate Curiosity

Cultivate a strong sense of curiosity about what will happen next in life, as this can be a powerful guiding force for survival and discovery of inner strength.

17. Come to Terms with Trauma

Acknowledge and come to terms with past traumas, rather than trying to forget or overcome them, to avoid dwelling in the past while still honoring your experiences.

18. Reframe Problems & Crises

Reframe your perspective: view problems as challenges and crises as transitions, shifting your mindset towards growth and opportunity.

19. Embrace Midlife Transition

Approach midlife as a transition, not a crisis, as it’s an opportunity to shed the need for others’ approval and pleasing, thereby regaining your power and becoming your free, authentic self.

20. Come to Terms with Suffering

Instead of trying to “overcome” suffering, aim to come to terms with it, acknowledging its reality and recognizing that enduring difficulties can make you stronger.

21. No Hierarchy in Trauma

Understand that there is no hierarchy in trauma; do not minimize or trivialize anyone’s suffering, as feelings of pain are valid regardless of the external circumstances.

22. Invite & Manage Suffering

When triggered, invite and fully feel the emotion of suffering as a natural part of life, but then consciously decide how long you will hold onto that feeling.

23. Make Peace with Parental Figures

Make peace with parental figures by accepting them as they are and embracing your own unique identity, aiming to empower each other through your differences rather than seeking to be alike.

24. Accept Others As They Are

True love involves accepting someone exactly as they are, without trying to change them or expecting them to conform to your ideals.

25. Examine Excess for Addiction

Any behavior performed in excess warrants examination for potential addiction, as it may indicate an unhealthy dependency.

26. Increase Choices to Reduce Victimhood

Actively seek to identify and create more choices in your life, as having more options directly reduces feelings of victimhood.

27. Cultivate Flexible Rules

Adopt flexible rules in life rather than rigid ones, as adaptability is key to navigating changing circumstances and relationships.

28. Learn to Negotiate & Compromise

Master the skills of negotiation and compromise, as these are essential for healthy relationships and effective problem-solving.

29. Create a Family Constitution

Create a written ‘constitution’ for your family, establishing clear rules and fostering a team-oriented approach where everyone understands their role and the interconnectedness of their actions.

30. Implement Assertive Discipline

Implement assertive discipline by establishing clear rules with consequences (not punishments), involving children in the decision-making process, and replacing ‘should’ with empowering language like ‘you could.’

31. Create Emotionally Safe Environment

Cultivate a family atmosphere where children feel safe to express any emotion without fear of judgment, fostering emotional openness and trust.

32. Align Actions with Agreed Values

Regularly review actions against a set of agreed-upon family values, fostering respectful conversations about alignment rather than judgmental accusations, to encourage self-correction.

33. Write Down Agreements

Write down important agreements and rules to avoid misunderstandings and ensure clarity, preventing misinterpretations like ‘I thought you said’ or ‘I think you said.’

34. Prioritize Cooperation

In all interactions, prioritize cooperation over competition or domination to foster stronger, more harmonious relationships.

35. Understand Child Development Stages

Understand the ages and stages of child development, recognizing that a child’s brain isn’t fully developed until around 25, to communicate effectively with their current cognitive limitations.

36. Practice Sharing & Generosity

In times of scarcity or personal hardship, choose to share what little you have with others, as acts of generosity can foster mutual support and future aid.

37. Find Resources in Desperate Situations

In desperate situations, actively look for alternative resources, no matter how small or unconventional, to sustain yourself when conventional options are unavailable.

38. Eliminate ‘I Can’t’ from Vocabulary

Actively remove ‘I can’t’ from your vocabulary, replacing it with ‘I can’ to shift your mindset from helplessness to empowerment, recognizing that thinking you can is the first step to doing so.

39. Forgive Self for Judgment

Practice self-forgiveness for placing judgment on others, recognizing that true forgiveness is about liberating yourself from the burden of carrying hatred and punitive thoughts.

40. Forgive for Self-Liberation

Practice forgiveness not as an act of absolving others, but as a selfish gift to yourself to achieve liberation from the past, doing what is humanly possible and then handing over judgment to a higher power.

41. Live in the Present

Strive to live fully in the present moment, acknowledging the past and coming to terms with it, but not allowing it to define or imprison your current experience.

42. Set Boundaries & Problem Ownership

In dynamic interactions, especially those involving victim-victimizer roles, identify whose problem it truly is and gently return responsibility to its rightful owner to avoid becoming an unhelpful ‘rescuer.’

43. Cultivate Vulnerability for Intimacy

Cultivate vulnerability in relationships, recognizing it as a prerequisite for intimacy, and address any low-level chronic anger that can block genuine connection.

44. Avoid Actions Based on ‘Should’

Avoid performing actions out of a sense of ‘should’ or obligation when you genuinely don’t want to, as this can lead to resentment and guilt, hindering authentic connection.

45. Clarify Communication

Actively clarify communication by asking ‘Is this true?’ or ‘Is this what you meant?’ to ensure you and the other person are on the same page, preventing misunderstandings that arise from reactive interpretations.

46. Prioritize Marital Unity

Prioritize the marital relationship, ensuring parents are a united front, as children benefit from seeing their parents on the same page rather than feeling they come before the spouse.

47. Avoid Spoiling Children

Avoid spoiling children, as fostering dependency can lead to a sense of helplessness and depression when external expectations are not met, making them vulnerable to life’s challenges.

48. Express Emotions to Combat Depression

Recognize that the opposite of depression is expression; allow emotions to come out of your body, as suppressing them can lead to illness.

49. Choose Evolution Over Revalving

Continuously ask yourself if you are merely ‘revalving’ (rehashing old patterns) or actively ’evolving’ (growing and changing) to ensure personal progress.

50. Embrace Metamorphosis

Embrace the process of metamorphosis, shedding old forms and limitations like a chrysalis, to achieve freedom and personal growth.

51. Self-Assess as a Partner

Ask yourself, ‘Would I like to be married to me?’ to critically self-assess your qualities as a partner and identify areas for personal improvement in relationships.

52. Revisit & Heal Inner Child

To heal past wounds, revisit the places and times where your childhood ended, connect with your inner child in their own language, and process feelings of powerlessness with support to reclaim your true self.

53. Shift from ‘Why Me?’ to ‘What Now?’

Shift your focus from questioning ‘Why me?’ in times of suffering to asking ‘What now?’ to move towards proactive solutions and future-oriented action.

54. Allow Grief & Rage

Allow yourself to feel and express grief and rage fully, as you cannot heal what you don’t feel, and suppressing these emotions is like ‘covering garlic with chocolate.’

55. Be Flexible & Take Responsibility

Embrace flexibility over rigidity, stop blaming others, and take full responsibility for your thoughts and actions to facilitate personal growth without necessarily needing prolonged therapy.

56. Give Up Need for Revenge

Relinquish the need for revenge, as holding onto punitive and vengeful feelings prevents you from achieving the spiritual freedom that comes with forgiveness.

57. Adopt ‘Yes I Am, Can, Will’ Mantra

Adopt the mantra ‘Yes, I am. Yes, I can. Yes, I will.’ to inspire yourself and reinforce a positive, capable mindset during challenging times.

58. Embrace Temporary Feelings

Recognize that difficult feelings and circumstances are temporary; embrace and invite these feelings in, knowing you have the choice in how you respond.

59. Commit to Actionable Decisions

Make a clear decision about what behaviors to stop, start, or continue, as talking alone is insufficient without subsequent action.

60. Stretch Your Comfort Zone

Actively seek to stretch your comfort zone, as personal growth and change require replacing old patterns with new ones.

61. Assess & Risk New Actions

Use challenging times to evaluate what in your life is no longer working and courageously decide to risk doing something new, despite the fear of the unknown, as change is synonymous with growth.

62. Cultivate Inner Knowledge

Remember that your internal knowledge and mental resources are inviolable and cannot be taken away by external circumstances.

63. Prioritize Brain Power

Recognize that brain power is the best power; avoid smoking pot as it interferes with the natural growth of the brain.

64. Release Hatred

Decide to release hatred, recognizing that it consumes you, and choose to be a survivor rather than a victim of circumstances.

65. Reframe Loss as a Gift

Reframe experiences of loss by viewing the time shared as a gift to be celebrated, rather than focusing on what was lost.

66. Unlock Your Mental Prison

Understand that the “prison” is in your own mind and the key to freedom is within your grasp, empowering you to change your internal state.

67. Examine Self-Imposed Prisons

Thoroughly examine the mental prisons you create for yourself, understanding that every behavior, even self-limiting ones, serves an underlying need.

68. Avoid Victim Mentality

Avoid adopting a victim mentality, as it provides a secondary gain of not having to take action and perpetuates a dynamic with a victimizer.

69. Love is Action

Understand that love is defined by your actions and commitments, not merely by feelings.

70. Practice Self-Parenting

Parents should first learn to be good to themselves, as this self-care and self-respect are foundational to being effective parents to their children.

71. Practice Radical Self-Honesty

Regularly look in the mirror and be rigorously honest with yourself, ensuring your words and actions are aligned and not contradictory.

72. Clear Past Toxic Emotions

Address and release past guilt, shame, anger, and other toxic emotions by looking inward and being honest with yourself, which can transform your interactions and bring more joy.

73. Be a Guide

Strive to be a guide for others, helping them transition from darkness to light and from mental imprisonment to freedom.

74. Maintain Consistency

Earn respect by being consistent in your words and actions, avoiding hypocrisy where you say one thing and do another.

75. Lead by Example

Remember that children primarily learn and emulate what they observe, so consistently model the behaviors and values you wish to instill in them.

76. Transform Hatred to Pity

Consciously transform feelings of hatred into pity, recognizing that those who inflict harm may themselves be imprisoned by their own actions or mindset.

77. Maintain Inner Spirit

While complying with external demands, cultivate and protect your inner spirit, ensuring it remains untouched by oppressive circumstances.

78. Never Stay Behind

In challenging situations, learn the critical rules quickly and avoid staying behind or giving up, as this can lead to severe negative outcomes.

79. Set Future-Oriented Goals

Motivate yourself by setting clear, desirable future-oriented goals, focusing on what you will achieve or experience if you persevere through present difficulties.

80. Thoughts Create Reality

Understand that your thoughts directly influence what you create and experience in your life, emphasizing the power of your mindset.

81. Filter Speech for Kindness

Before speaking, ask yourself if your words are kind, important, and necessary; if they are not, refrain from saying them.

82. Share Silence in Relationships

Learn to comfortably share silence with your partner, fostering a deeper connection beyond constant conversation.

83. Practice Compassionate Listening

Move beyond superficial inquiries like “How are you?” and actively practice compassionate listening to truly hear and understand others, rather than just hearing.

84. Learn from Challenging People

View the most obnoxious or difficult people as your best teachers, using their behavior as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth.

85. Examine Your Own Biases

It is crucial to look inward and examine any bigoted or biased tendencies within yourself to foster personal growth and understanding.

86. Give Time as Love

Recognize that giving your time to others is a profound act of love, especially in a world where time is a scarce and valuable commodity.

87. Connect with Feelings

Instead of trying to intellectually understand situations, connect with your heart and express empathy by naming the feeling, such as “Sounds like you’re angry about that.”

88. Reframe Negative Stimuli

You cannot control what others say, but you can choose to reframe negative stimuli into positive experiences, for example, by practicing relaxation when others are talking.

89. Practice Low Frustration Tolerance

Actively practice increasing your tolerance for frustration, viewing challenging interactions as opportunities to strengthen this capacity.

90. Respond Thoughtfully, Not Reactively

In challenging situations, take a deep breath and choose to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively, as reactions often bypass critical thinking.

91. Accept Imperfection

Give yourself permission to not be perfect, acknowledging that making mistakes is a natural part of being human.

92. Avoid Perfectionism

Be aware that perfectionism often leads to procrastination, so strive for progress rather than flawless execution.

93. Question Authority

Do not blindly adhere to authority; instead, question it to foster independent thought and prevent being limited by others’ labels or expectations.

94. Combat Ignorance by Questioning

Recognize ignorance as a significant enemy and ensure that children are taught to question authority rather than blindly accepting what they hear, especially from influential figures.

95. Reflect on Childhood’s End

Ask yourself when your childhood truly ended, especially if you had to take on adult responsibilities early, to understand potential unresolved grief or developmental stages.

96. Inspire Resilience from Others

When hearing stories of profound suffering, use them not to minimize your own pain, but as inspiration to believe in your own capacity for resilience and overcoming challenges.

97. Recognize Victimhood’s Gains

Understand that adopting a victim role can provide secondary gains by absolving you of responsibility and ensuring you always have a “victimizer.”