BITESIZE | How To Find Your True Values and Live The Life You Really Want | Jay Shetty #154
Jay Shetty, a former monk and social media superstar, explains why identifying true values is crucial for living an authentic life. He introduces a value audit exercise and other tips to align actions with inner desires.
Deep Dive Analysis
9 Topic Outline
Introduction to Finding True Values
Motivation Behind Pursuing Goals
Identifying Current Values Through Money and Time
The Three-Step Value Audit Exercise
Investing Time in Education Versus Entertainment
The Gap Between Desired and Actual Values
Values Audit as a Continuous 'Gardening' Process
Making Self-Audits Fun and Competitive
Separating Identity from Negative Habits
4 Key Concepts
True Values
True values are what genuinely motivate a person, distinct from external pressures or desires to impress others. They are revealed by how one spends their money and time, not just what one believes in their head or heart.
Values Audit
A values audit is a process of examining one's current life choices, specifically how time and money are spent, and the true origins of one's pursuits. This helps align actions with authentic desires and identify areas where one might be living a life not truly their own.
Gardening Your Values
This metaphor describes the ongoing process of a values audit, where one regularly 'pulls out the weeds' (negative or misaligned values/habits) and 'plants new seeds' (positive, growth-oriented values). It emphasizes that maintaining a healthy and purposeful life requires continuous attention and realignment.
Disconnecting from Negative Identity
This concept highlights that a person is not inherently their pain, stress, or negative habits; rather, these are conditioned behaviors or temporary states they have adopted. By recognizing this distinction and changing the habits, one can naturally change their perceived identity.
5 Questions Answered
One effective way is to perform a 'value audit' by examining how you currently spend your money and time, as these are the clearest indicators of what you truly value.
Ask yourself if your desire and dream for a pursuit originate from within, or if they stem from external pressures like family expectations or friends' achievements.
Yes, there is often a significant gap. People may have good intentions and a desired self-image, but their actual behavior, as revealed by how they spend their time and money, often doesn't align with these perceived values.
It should be a regular habit, like gardening, rather than a one-time event. Regularly 'gardening your values' involves pulling out 'weeds' (misaligned desires) and planting 'new seeds' (positive values) to ensure continuous alignment.
One way is to gamify it, such as by setting challenges like avoiding comparison, complaining, or criticizing, and tracking progress, or competing with yourself to increase positive behaviors like collaboration and gratitude.
9 Actionable Insights
1. Align Goals with Inner Desire
Ensure your pursuits (e.g., career, education) are truly motivated by your inner desire and purpose, such as serving humanity or solving problems, rather than external pressures or the desire to impress others.
2. Audit Actual Values
To understand your true values, review your bank statements to see where your money is spent and reflect on where you currently spend your time, as these actions reveal what you genuinely value, not just what you think you value.
3. Examine Pursuit Origins
List three current pursuits and critically question whether the desire for them originates from your own dreams and desires, or if it stems from external pressures, family expectations, or social comparisons.
4. Re-evaluate Current Pursuits
After identifying the origin of your pursuits, decide if you still genuinely want to continue them, if they need to be modified, or if they should be abandoned entirely, to ensure you are building a life aligned with your true desires.
5. Regularly Garden Your Values
Treat the values audit as a regular habit, like gardening, by revisiting it monthly to “pull out the weeds” (unwanted values or habits) and “plant new seeds” (cultivate desired values), preventing them from being covered by other desires.
6. Prioritize Education Over Entertainment
To lead a more meaningful, purposeful, healthy, wealthy, and wise life, consciously invest your time in educational activities like reading books, watching documentaries, taking courses, and listening to podcasts, rather than solely on entertainment.
7. Separate Self from Habits
Recognize that you are not defined by your negative thoughts, criticisms, or unhealthy habits; these are merely conditioned behaviors you’ve adopted, and by consciously disconnecting your identity from them, you empower yourself to change these habits and, in turn, change yourself.
8. Track Negative & Positive Habits
Challenge yourself to avoid comparing, complaining, and criticizing by using a jar to track instances of these behaviors, while also tracking collaborative, supportive, and grateful actions in a separate jar, turning it into a competitive game to improve your habits.
9. Make Self-Auditing Enjoyable
Approach the process of self-auditing and understanding your values with enthusiasm and make it fun, as learning about yourself can be an exciting and enjoyable experience that helps you tune into who you truly are.
6 Key Quotes
If you want to be a doctor, become a doctor because you think that's how you're going to serve humanity, not because you think people will be impressed.
Jay Shetty
Your value isn't what's in your head, isn't what's in your heart, isn't what's in your mind. It's how you spend your money and how you spend your time.
Jay Shetty
We get lost building castles that we don't even want to live in.
Jay Shetty
So often the way we see ourselves or want to see ourselves is amplified compared to how we actually behave.
Jay Shetty
You are not your criticism. You are not these negative thoughts. You are not these negative beliefs. They've just become conditioned and habits.
Jay Shetty
You are not unhealthy. You've just adopted unhealthy habits.
Jay Shetty
2 Protocols
Value Audit Exercise
Jay Shetty- Go through your bank statement and look at where your money is being spent.
- Examine how you spend your time.
- Write down three things you are currently pursuing in life (e.g., a promotion, a new home).
- Ask if that pursuit is your desire and dream, or if it's coming from outside pressure (e.g., family, friends' expectations).
- Ask if you still want to pursue that, want to change how you pursue it, or not pursue it at all.
Making Self-Audits Fun and Competitive
Jay Shetty- Set a challenge for yourself, such as not comparing, not complaining, and not criticizing.
- Keep a jar of post-it notes, adding one every time you compare, complain, or criticize.
- Keep another jar for every time you are collaborative, supportive to others, and grateful.
- Engage in a competition with yourself to see how often you can make sure the positive jar outweighs the negative, observing your daily progress.