BITESIZE | How To Read Body Language and Become More Confident: Simple Cues That Work | Vanessa Van Edwards #560
Vanessa Van Edwards, an expert in nonverbal communication, shares how to cultivate authentic confidence by understanding and utilizing body language cues. She explains how small shifts in nonverbal communication, focusing on warmth and competence, can significantly alter how one is perceived.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to Confidence and Nonverbal Communication
Discovering Your Unique Flavor of Confidence
The Impact of Authentic vs. Inauthentic Smiles
Understanding the Contempt Micro-Expression
The Dominance of Nonverbal Communication
Vocal Cues and Perceptions of Competence
Two Basic Human Questions: Trust and Reliance
Defining Warmth and Competence in Interaction
Distinguishing Charisma from Confidence
Practical Cues for Dialing Up Warmth
Practical Cues for Dialing Up Competence
Achieving Fluency in Nonverbal Cues and Vulnerability
Leveraging Natural Cues for Better Communication
9 Key Concepts
Social Overthinker
A person who tends to get stuck in their head about social cues, often misinterpreting neutral cues as negative, which can diminish their confidence.
Authentic Confidence
A genuine feeling of confidence that positively 'infects' other people, making the individual more memorable and impactful, rather than just faking it.
Real vs. Fake Smile
A real smile engages the upper cheek muscles and reaches the eyes, creating 'crow's feet,' while a fake smile only involves the bottom half of the face and does not affect mood or behavior in others.
Facial Feedback Hypothesis
The concept that not only do our emotions cause our facial expressions, but our facial expressions can also influence and cause our emotions.
Contempt Micro-expression
A universal facial expression of scorn or disdain, characterized by a one-sided mouth raise or smirk, which is often misidentified by observers as ambivalence or boredom.
Warmth (in communication)
Cues that signal friendliness, likability, trust, openness, and collaboration, addressing the fundamental human question of whether someone is safe and will be accepted.
Competence (in communication)
Cues that signal capability, efficiency, productivity, and reliability, addressing the fundamental human question of whether someone can be relied upon to do what they say.
Charisma
The quality of being highly magnetic and drawing people in, which is achieved by quickly and clearly signaling both warmth and competence to others.
Vulnerability as Warmth
The act of sharing true feelings, being transparent, or admitting discomfort, which can serve as a powerful warmth cue, encouraging others to lean in and feel closer.
8 Questions Answered
Confidence is a cyclical process where feeling confident improves how one comes across, and external cues can also build internal confidence. It's crucial to discover one's unique 'flavor' of confidence rather than trying to fake extroversion.
A real smile engages the upper cheek muscles, causing 'crow's feet' around the eyes, while a fake smile only uses the lower half of the face. Real smiles positively influence others' moods and memorability, whereas fake smiles have no impact.
The contempt micro-expression, a one-sided mouth raise, is a strong predictor of divorce in couples (93.6% accuracy) because, unlike other emotions, contempt tends to grow and fester if not addressed, leading to hatred.
While precise measurement is difficult, nonverbal communication accounts for approximately 65% to 90% of all human communication, meaning focusing solely on words leaves a significant portion of communication ability unused.
When people meet, they chronologically try to answer two basic questions: 'Can I trust you?' (assessing good intention) and then 'Can I rely on you?' (assessing intelligence and capability).
Warmth cues signal friendliness, likability, and trustworthiness, making others feel safe and accepted. Competence cues signal capability and reliability, assuring others that you will deliver on your promises. Both are essential for being magnetic and charismatic.
Very smart people often over-rely on the quality of their ideas and neglect their delivery. Research indicates that competence without sufficient warmth cues can make people feel suspicious, causing them to disbelieve even genuinely good ideas.
Yes, vulnerability is a powerful warmth cue. Sharing true feelings, being transparent, or admitting awkwardness can make people lean in, feel closer, and perceive you as more approachable and trustworthy.
19 Actionable Insights
1. Discover Your Unique Confidence Flavor
Instead of trying to emulate an idealized extrovert, identify and embrace your own authentic style of confidence, recognizing that confidence can manifest in various ways (e.g., quiet, powerful introvert; nurturing, empathetic healer).
2. Cultivate Authentic Confidence
Focus on genuine confidence, as authentic expressions (like a real smile that engages upper cheek muscles and eyes) positively impact others, while faking it makes you less memorable and impactful.
3. Eliminate Contemptuous Expressions
Consciously avoid the one-sided mouth raise or smirk, as this universal micro-expression of contempt is often misinterpreted as ambivalence but is a strong predictor of relationship breakdown and festers into disrespect.
4. Address Contempt at its Infancy
If you spot cues of contempt (like a one-sided mouth raise) in yourself or others, address them early to prevent the emotion from growing and festering into hatred and disrespect, which can severely damage relationships.
5. Leverage Nonverbal Communication
Recognize that 65-90% of communication is nonverbal, so don’t solely focus on words; pay attention to your posture, gestures, face, pace, volume, and cadence to communicate effectively.
6. Signal Warmth and Competence Quickly
In initial interactions, consciously signal warmth (friendliness, likability, trust) and competence (capability, efficiency) through your nonverbal and vocal cues, as people are subconsciously trying to answer ‘Can I trust you?’ and ‘Can I rely on you?’
7. Enhance Magnetism with Clear Cues
Be clear and intentional with your nonverbal cues to signal warmth and competence, as this provides clarity for others, reduces their cognitive load, and makes you more magnetic and trustworthy.
8. Build Confidence Inside-Out
Understand that confidence is a cycle where feeling confident improves your outward presentation, and improving your outward presentation can, in turn, make you feel more confident.
9. Avoid Misinterpreting Neutral Cues
Be aware of social overthinking and the tendency to misinterpret neutral non-verbal cues as negative, as this can erode your confidence.
10. Add Warmth to High Competence
If you are highly competent but perceived as cold or intimidating, intentionally dial up warmth cues to make people more receptive to you and your ideas.
11. Add Competence to High Warmth
If you are high in warmth but want to be taken more seriously or ensure your ideas are heard, intentionally dial up competence cues to project an innate sense of pride and capability.
12. Embrace Radical Transparency
Practice radical transparency by openly sharing your discomfort, anxiety, or awkwardness (e.g., by introducing yourself as a ‘recovering awkward person’), as vulnerability is a powerful warmth cue that encourages others to lean in and connect.
13. Optimize Profile Photo Expression
For profile photos, either show a genuine, big smile by thinking of something happy, or maintain a neutral expression, but always avoid asymmetrical expressions like a one-sided mouth raise (smirk) which signals contempt.
14. Use the Slow Triple Nod
Employ a slow, purposeful triple nod (one, two, three) while listening, as research shows this simple warmth cue encourages the other person to speak three to four times longer.
15. Utilize a Head Tilt When Listening
When listening, occasionally tilt your head to the side, as this warmth cue encourages the other person to feel more engaged and accepted.
16. Use Open Palm Gestures
Start interactions, especially video calls, with open palm or open hand gestures to signal openness, honesty, and that you are not hiding or concealing anything.
17. Maximize Ear-to-Shoulder Space
To project competence and confidence, consciously maximize the space between your earlobes and shoulders by avoiding rolled-up shoulders and a tilted-down chin, which are instinctive protective gestures signaling anxiety.
18. Leverage Your Natural Cues
Identify and leverage the nonverbal cues you naturally use that make you feel like your best self and that you appreciate in others, then hone these to enhance your authentic confidence and charisma.
19. Observe Charismatic Role Models
Observe the nonverbal cues used by people you consider highly charismatic and consider trying on some of those cues yourself to enhance your own communication and presence.
7 Key Quotes
The more confident we feel, the better we come across. And even like if we start on the outside, it also works in.
Vanessa Van Edwards
I do not believe you have to be an extrovert to be confident or to be likable.
Vanessa Van Edwards
When you are truly confident, you actually infect other people positively. When you are faking it, when you're trying to pretend to be an extrovert, you are less memorable. You are literally less impactful.
Vanessa Van Edwards
Contempt is one of the only emotions that doesn't go away. Fear comes in a burst, you self-suit. Anger comes in a burst, you calm down. Happiness comes all at once, you go back to neutral. But contempt or disrespect, it grows and it festers if it's not addressed.
Vanessa Van Edwards
Nonverbal is about, and it's really hard to measure this exactly, but about 65 to 90% of our communication is nonverbal.
Vanessa Van Edwards
Competence without warmth leaves people feeling suspicious.
Vanessa Van Edwards
Vulnerability is warmth.
Vanessa Van Edwards
3 Protocols
Warmth Cues for High Competence Individuals
Vanessa Van Edwards- Use a slow triple nod (one, two, three) to encourage the other person to speak three to four times longer.
- Employ a head tilt while listening to encourage the other person to feel more engaged.
Competence Cues for High Warmth Individuals
Vanessa Van Edwards- Use an open palm or open hand gesture at the start of interactions to signal openness and honesty.
- Maximize the space between your earlobes and shoulders, avoiding rolling shoulders up or tilting your chin down, to project pride and confidence.
Improving Profile Photos and Photo Shoots
Vanessa Van Edwards- Use a really big, authentic smile by thinking about something that truly makes you happy, engaging your upper cheek muscles.
- Alternatively, use a neutral expression if it conveys confidence, as smiling is not always necessary.
- Avoid asymmetry in your mouth, specifically the one-sided mouth raise (smirk), as it is a universal contempt micro-expression.