Bryony Gordon on OCD, Overcoming Addiction and Building Mental Resilience #314
Bryony Gordon, a mental health campaigner, journalist, and author, candidly discusses her lifelong struggles with OCD, addiction (alcohol, drugs, bulimia), and depression. She shares her journey to recovery, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, self-acceptance, and reframing challenges as opportunities for growth.
Deep Dive Analysis
17 Topic Outline
Introduction to Bryony Gordon's Story and Work
Understanding Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
The Reality of Pure O and Intrusive Thoughts
Connecting OCD to Alcohol and Drug Addiction
Bryony's Journey with Alcoholism and Sobriety
Societal Views on Addiction and Work Addiction
The Addictive Nature of Social Media and Validation
Realizing Alcohol's Priority Over Her Daughter
Cocaine Addiction and Its Role in Reaching Rock Bottom
Understanding Bulimia and Disordered Eating Patterns
Navigating Holiday Pressures and Resolutions
The Unifying Cause of Mental Health Struggles
Parenting Lessons Learned Through Recovery
Marathon Running: From Addiction to Body Acceptance
Challenging Diet Culture and Body Image Norms
Practical Advice for Improving Mental Well-being
The Power of Small Acts of Service
6 Key Concepts
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD is often misunderstood as just excessive tidiness; Bryony explains it as a condition involving dark, intrusive thoughts and compulsions, leading to severe distress and rumination, which she calls 'the doubting disease'.
Pure O (Pure Obsessional OCD)
This is a type of OCD characterized by intrusive thoughts without visible compulsions. Sufferers become distressed by these thoughts (e.g., fears of harming others) and ruminate obsessively to check they are not the thought itself.
Addiction as Illness of Denial
Addiction, like other mental illnesses, is unique in that it tells the sufferer they don't have it. This self-gaslighting is a symptom that allows the illness to thrive by convincing the individual they are not truly addicted.
Work Addiction
This concept highlights how society often sanctions and celebrates excessive work as a 'great work ethic'. However, it can be an addiction stemming from a desperate need to fill an emotional void, coming at a significant personal cost.
Orthorexia
A form of disordered eating where an obsession with 'clean eating' or extreme health consciousness becomes unhealthy. It represents disordered eating patterns disguised as a pursuit of health, often leading to rigid and restrictive behaviors.
Anxiety and Depression as a Cure
This perspective suggests that anxiety and depression are often the brain's signals that an individual is living inauthentically or in a way that is not true to themselves. These feelings can serve as a prompt for necessary change and self-reflection.
11 Questions Answered
People often reduce OCD to excessive tidiness or needing things in order, but Bryony clarifies it's a serious condition involving dark, obsessive thoughts and compulsions that can be torturous.
She describes it as 'awful, awful' and torturous, a 'doubting disease' where the brain constantly questions visible reality, leading to intense rumination and anxiety about intrusive thoughts.
Alcohol and drugs served as a coping mechanism, providing a temporary escape from the intense pain and intrusive thoughts of her untreated OCD, acting as a means to get through life when no other treatment options felt available.
The 'ism' refers to the underlying mental wiring or trauma-based response that predisposes her brain to addiction, indicating that the core issue extends beyond the substance itself.
Social media apps are designed to addict users through dopamine rewards (likes, shares), leading to a compulsive need for validation and comparison, and can dictate one's self-worth based on algorithmic feedback.
She theorizes that obesity is as much a mental illness as a physical one, often linked to disordered eating patterns like binge eating, and emphasizes that shame cannot cure mental illness.
Bryony believes the common thread is the brain attempting to cope with a human being living their life in a way that isn't true to themselves, acting as a protective mechanism.
She has learned that children are not extensions of parents and that she cannot control everything, focusing instead on enjoying the present moment and allowing her daughter to feel her feelings without judgment.
She wanted to show other 'curvy ladies' that their bodies are capable of amazing things and challenge the notion that exercise is solely about shrinking oneself or fitting a certain aesthetic.
She exercises for the growth properties, clarity, space, endorphins, and time outside, rather than for shrinking her body or making herself look better, focusing on feeling better instead.
Engaging in small acts of service, like making someone a cup of tea, helps combat feelings of uselessness and shifts perspective from self-centered resentment to gratitude and connection, making one feel useful.
41 Actionable Insights
1. Live Authentically for Well-being
Recognize that many mental health issues, including OCD, addiction, anxiety, and depression, are often signals from your brain that you are living in a way that is ’not true to yourself.’ Listen to these signals as they are your brain’s attempt to protect you.
2. Listen to Your Body’s Signals
In a fast-paced modern life, resist the urge to numb uncomfortable thoughts or feelings with distractions like alcohol, food, or social media. Instead, sit with your thoughts and listen to the signals your body is sending, as they are trying to tell you something important.
3. Practice Self-Acceptance
Accept all parts of yourself, including ‘bad’ or ‘irresponsible’ thoughts, without labeling yourself as a bad person for having them. Step back and question if acting on those thoughts would be a good idea, rather than shaming yourself.
4. Avoid Isolation for Mental Health
Actively resist the urge to isolate, especially when struggling with mental health issues, as isolation allows the problem to take hold. Instead, force yourself to go out, call someone, or be around people, even if you don’t want to.
5. Do the Opposite of Urges
If your brain is ‘wired slightly wrong’ and you have urges to do things that are unhealthy (e.g., drink, drugs, eat junk, stay up late), consider doing the opposite. Conversely, if you don’t want to do something healthy (e.g., run, get up, call someone), you should probably do it.
6. Embrace Uncertainty and Change
Acknowledge that you know very little and have no control over future events. Understand that feelings, perspectives, and even unhealthy habits are not permanent and can change massively over time, fostering hope and adaptability.
7. Process Difficult Emotions
Allow yourself to experience and go through difficult feelings rather than suppressing them, as these emotions are present for a reason and processing them often leads to feeling better afterwards.
8. Embrace the Process, Not Shortcuts
Resist the addictive tendency to desire immediate gratification or to reach a goal ‘from A to Z without going through B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.’ Understand that genuine change and feeling better require doing the necessary work and experiencing the process.
9. Avoid Self-Medicating with Substances
Do not attempt to treat mental health struggles or pain with alcohol or drugs, as this can lead to destructive patterns and addiction. Bryony used alcohol as an escape when no other treatment options were available, which led to further problems.
10. Reject Diet Culture Messaging
Challenge the pervasive ‘diet culture’ that instills beliefs like ‘you can be better,’ ‘you are not enough,’ or ‘you are too much.’ Recognize that these messages prevent self-liking and are detrimental to self-esteem.
11. Stop Hating Your Body
Cultivate a desire to stop hating your body, as it’s a ‘waste of time’ and energy. Focus on body acceptance rather than chasing an elusive concept of ‘confidence.’
12. Exercise for Growth, Not Shrinking
Shift your motivation for exercise from punishing yourself or ‘shrinking’ your body to focusing on its ‘growth properties,’ such as mental clarity, space, endorphins, and time outdoors. This perspective can transform your relationship with physical activity.
13. Prioritize Health Over Size
Focus on actual healthy behaviors like regular running, cold water swimming, and strength training, rather than societal ‘popular metrics’ of size or BMI. True health can exist independently of conventional weight classifications.
14. Exercise Even Without Motivation
Recognize that while you may not wake up wanting to exercise, you rarely regret doing it. Use this understanding to motivate yourself to engage in some form of physical activity, whether it’s running, swimming, or strength training.
15. Cultivate a Compassionate Inner Voice
When you engage in old, unhelpful patterns like binging, be mindful of your actions and replace a harsh, self-critical inner voice (‘you awful piece of shit’) with a more compassionate one (‘why are you doing that to yourself, babes?’).
16. Engage in Small Acts of Usefulness
Combat feelings of uselessness by engaging in small, everyday acts of being useful, such as offering a cup of tea, asking someone how they are, or smiling at a stranger. These simple gestures can have a profound impact on your own well-being.
17. Embrace Small Acts of Service
Reframe mundane tasks or requests from others as ‘small acts of service’ rather than resentful chores. Acknowledge that these contributions to others’ well-being can be a meaningful ‘point of life.’
18. Cultivate Gratitude for Service
When performing tasks for others or responding to requests, shift your perspective from resentment to gratitude, recognizing the privilege of having these people in your life. This mindset change can significantly improve your feelings.
19. Reframe Others’ Rudeness
When encountering rude or inconsiderate behavior from others, reframe it by assuming they are likely struggling or in a rush, rather than taking it personally. This allows you to ‘just let it be’ and avoid internalizing resentment.
20. Give to Keep What You Have
Embrace the principle that ‘you only keep what you have by giving it away,’ meaning that acts of service and generosity are crucial for maintaining your own well-being and recovery.
21. Practice Radical Honesty
Be honest about your struggles, especially with addiction or mental illness, as secrecy allows these issues to thrive. Sharing openly can help others feel less alone and foster a more supportive environment for recovery.
22. Share Your Vulnerabilities
If you feel bad or ashamed about something, put your hand up and share it, even if you haven’t met anyone else who admits to feeling the same way. This act of vulnerability helps others feel less alone and fosters a sense of community.
23. Support Loved Ones Without Forcing Change
If a friend or loved one is struggling with addiction, let them know you love them, but understand that you cannot force them to change. People are ready to change when they are ready, not a moment sooner.
24. Avoid Identifying with Labels
Be cautious of identifying too strongly with mental health labels, as they can sometimes hinder breaking free from problematic patterns by becoming part of your identity. Focus on understanding the underlying messages your body and mind are sending.
25. Recognize Drama Addiction
Become aware if you are ‘addicted to your own drama’ or have a subconscious need for chaos in your life. Identifying this pattern is the first step towards choosing a more peaceful existence.
26. Reduce Social Media Engagement
Step back from social media platforms, especially if you find yourself obsessively checking metrics or living life ‘according to the algorithm.’ These platforms are designed to addict and can negatively impact mental health.
27. Avoid Social Comparison
Recognize that constantly comparing yourself to others, especially on social media, leads to feelings of inadequacy and prevents you from focusing on your own capabilities. This comparison habit can be detrimental to mental well-being.
28. Choose Role Models Wisely
Select role models who demonstrate healthy relationships with partners and children, and who balance work with personal well-being, rather than those solely defined by external success metrics. This helps avoid internalizing unrealistic or unhealthy aspirations.
29. Re-evaluate Definition of Success
Question societal metrics of success, such as extreme wealth or overworking, as they often stem from a ‘desperate need to fill a hole’ and can lead to unhappiness. Focus on what truly brings contentment rather than external validation.
30. Prioritize Foundational Health Habits
Engage in ‘boring things that are the key to well-being’ such as sleeping a full eight hours a night, eating well, not drinking alcohol, and exercising. This is what Bryony’s younger self would consider boring but are crucial for well-being.
31. Avoid Rigid Resolution Dates
Do not feel shame if you cannot adhere to culturally imposed ‘resolution dates’ like Dry January, as human behavior is more complex than binary thinking allows. Change happens when you are ready, often due to significant pain, not on a set calendar date.
32. Practice Self-Compassion in Depression
If you’re struggling to get out of bed due to depression, allow yourself to stay there without self-judgment, treating it as a nourishing act. However, if you find yourself beating yourself up while in bed, try to get out, even if it’s just to walk around the block, knowing your bed will always be there.
33. Avoid Shame in Mental Health
Recognize that shame is not a cure for mental illness, including disordered eating or obesity, which can have significant mental health components. Approach these issues with understanding rather than self-blame.
34. Recognize Body’s Capabilities
Understand that your body is capable of far more than you might realize. Engaging in physical challenges can reveal its amazing potential and build appreciation for what it can do.
35. Focus on Participation, Not Metrics
When undertaking physical challenges like marathons or triathlons, prioritize the act of participation and completion over obsessive focus on times or rankings. The achievement is in doing it, regardless of your position.
36. Focus on the Present Moment
Accept that you cannot control everything or predict the future. Focus on the present moment, do your best, and be present, rather than worrying about what life might throw at you.
37. View Children as Individuals
Recognize that children are not extensions of yourself; they are their own individuals. This perspective helps in allowing them to be themselves and fostering their unique development.
38. Allow Children to Feel Emotions
Allow your children to feel their feelings without dismissing them (e.g., ‘don’t cry,’ ‘don’t be silly’). This teaches them emotional validation and healthy processing.
39. Practice Self-Compassion as Parent
Avoid beating yourself up over parenting mistakes; instead, acknowledge that you could have handled a situation better and commit to trying differently next time. This models self-forgiveness and growth.
40. Model Owning Mistakes to Children
Acknowledge and communicate your mistakes to your children, showing them that it’s okay to err and that you can learn and move on. This fosters a healthy understanding of imperfection.
41. Stop Playing Societal Roles
Cease playing roles dictated by societal expectations, such as sexualizing yourself to feel worthy or attractive to others. This shift in mindset can occur when you realize your body’s capabilities and desire a different world for future generations.
8 Key Quotes
You can be better. You should be better. You are not enough or you are too much. That is what most women have gone through their whole lives thinking that.
Bryony Gordon
Mental illness has led to some of the worst times of my life, but it has also led to some of the most brilliant.
Bryony Gordon
Alcohol for me, Ronga, was like a real, you know, I'm grateful for it because I don't know how else I would have got through life.
Bryony Gordon
Almost every super, quite unquote, successful person that I've interviewed, that success comes from a desperate need to fill a hole.
Bryony Gordon
The thing all mental illnesses have in common is that they lie to you and they tell you you're a freak and they tell you that you're alone and they tell you that no one's going to understand what you're going through.
Bryony Gordon
Confidence is a trick. It's a total trick. Like no one really has confidence. But what I don't, what I do have is a desire not to hate on my body anymore because it's just a waste of time.
Bryony Gordon
Nobody wakes up wanting to go for a run, but nobody regrets going for one.
Bryony Gordon
You only keep what you have by giving it away.
Bryony Gordon
3 Protocols
Coping with Mental Health Struggles
Bryony Gordon- Do not isolate; actively resist the urge to withdraw, as isolation allows mental health issues to gain purchase.
- Force yourself out, pick up the phone, or call someone, even when your brain tells you not to.
- Be around people, as this goes against the brain's tendency to isolate during mental health struggles.
Dealing with the Urge to Stay in Bed (Depression/Low Motivation)
Bryony Gordon- If you choose to stay in bed, do so without self-judgment; see it as a nourishing act (e.g., watch Netflix) rather than beating yourself up.
- If you find yourself feeling guilty or beating yourself up while in bed, try to get out.
- Go downstairs, open the front door, and walk around the block, even if it's just a short distance.
- Remember that your bed will still be there if you need to return, reducing the pressure to stay out.
Shifting Perspective in Frustrating Situations (Small Acts of Service)
Bryony Gordon- When feeling resentful about doing tasks for others (e.g., picking up clothes, listening to complaints), reframe your mindset.
- Acknowledge the privilege of having those people in your life and the opportunity to interact with them.
- See the act as 'doing service' for them, recognizing that they may be struggling or in need.
- Smile and let go of frustration, understanding that you can choose your perspective and make life easier for yourself.