How Admitting Powerlessness Can Change Your Life with Benjamin Francis Leftwich #193
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee speaks with singer-songwriter Benjamin Francis Leftwich about his journey to sobriety, the disconnect between success and happiness, and finding fulfillment through recovery, community, and authentic self-expression. Ben shares insights from over three years of sobriety and the wisdom gained from overcoming addiction.
Deep Dive Analysis
23 Topic Outline
Introduction: Pushing Comfort Zones and Guest Introduction
The Disconnect Between Success and Happiness
The 'Hole in the Heart' and Universal Addiction
Benjamin's Personal Struggle with Addiction and Recovery Journey
Understanding Addiction: Allergic Reactions and Gabor Maté's Definition
Early Life Experiences and Numbing Behaviors
The Impact of Early Fame on Addiction and Vulnerabilities
Overcoming Judgment and Low Self-Esteem in Recovery
Recovery's Role in Cultivating Humility, Gratitude, and Authenticity
The Power of Surrender and Seeking 'New Management'
Distinguishing Between Saying Sorry and Making Amends
The Challenge of Authenticity in the Digital Age
Comparing Album Releases: Sober vs. Non-Sober Creative Process
The Craft of Songwriting and Attention to Detail in Sobriety
Adapting Recovery Communities and Meetings During the Pandemic
Compromise and Group Conscience in Recovery Decisions
Defining Spirituality and Being 'Spiritually Fit'
The Importance of Energy and Intent in Communication
Gratitude as a Life Principle and Album Title
Life's Awkwardness Versus Comfort on Stage
Daily Practices for Maintaining Spiritual Fitness and Sobriety
The Emotional Connection and Storytelling in Music
Final Thoughts: The Strength in Asking for Help
7 Key Concepts
Success vs. Happiness
Success (e.g., fame, wealth) and happiness are distinct concepts; achieving one does not automatically guarantee the other, as true happiness often stems from inner contentment and a feeling of peace in one's soul.
The 'Hole in the Heart'
This refers to a universal feeling of emptiness or discomfort within oneself, which people often try to fill with external things like alcohol, drugs, sugar, gambling, or shopping, seeking temporary relief rather than lasting contentment.
Addiction (Ben's Definition)
Benjamin describes his addiction as an 'allergy' where once he starts using a substance, he cannot stop, triggering an uncontrollable craving. He also cannot stay stopped once he has ceased use, leading to a cycle of repeated engagement.
Addiction (Gabor Maté's Definition)
Gabor Maté's broader definition of addiction includes three components: craving something and getting a reward from it, being unable to give it up, and persisting in its use despite negative consequences. This definition suggests many people have some form of addiction beyond typical substances.
Making Amends vs. Saying Sorry
Saying 'sorry' is an apology, but 'making amends' goes deeper by asking for someone's forgiveness, being accountable for specific harms done, and naming those actions, without attempting to manipulate the other person's response or seeking praise.
Performative Authenticity
This concept describes the act of portraying a curated version of authenticity, particularly on social media, where individuals might minimize privilege or exaggerate insecurities to gain validation. This can lead to a disconnect between their online persona and their true internal state, as they receive love for someone they are not.
Spiritually Fit
For Benjamin, being 'spiritually fit' means being out of his own way, trusting a greater plan, and not engaging in manipulation, control, judgment, or dishonesty. It involves consistently asking for help and maintaining a clear channel to a higher power or guiding principles.
9 Questions Answered
Success and happiness are distinct; achieving one (e.g., fame, wealth) does not automatically guarantee the other, as true happiness comes from inner contentment and a feeling of peace in one's soul.
The core problem is often a 'hole in the soul' or a sense of inner emptiness and separation, which individuals attempt to fill with various external substances or behaviors, seeking temporary relief rather than lasting contentment.
He defines it as an inability to stop once he starts, triggering a craving, and an inability to stay stopped once he has stopped, leading to a cycle of obsessive use.
Fame acts as a stress test, magnifying pre-existing faults and pressures, making underlying issues more apparent rather than creating new ones.
Saying 'sorry' is an apology, while 'making amends' involves asking for someone's forgiveness, being accountable, and specifically naming the harm done, without trying to manipulate their response or seeking praise.
For Ben, honesty and integrity mean doing his part without trying to manipulate or control the outcome, and being radically honest with himself, even about subtle dishonesties like giving fake praise.
Many recovery communities adapted by moving meetings online via Zoom, which allowed people to continue their recovery and even enabled newcomers to get sober who might have found in-person meetings daunting.
For Ben, it means being out of his own way, trusting a greater plan, avoiding judgment, manipulation, control, and dishonesty, and consistently asking for help.
He called it 'Gratitude' because it was written during a moment of surrender and awareness that he was surrounded by grace and hope, even before he got clean and sober.
29 Actionable Insights
1. Asking for Help is Strength
View asking for help and admitting powerlessness not as weaknesses, but as courageous steps towards finding solutions and building a better life, especially when engaging with a supportive community.
2. Practice Forgiveness, Gain Freedom
Practice forgiveness towards others and yourself, especially when feeling harmed, to avoid being trapped by resentment and judgment, which block spiritual clarity and lead to self-absorption.
3. Prioritize Spiritual Fitness
Prioritize cultivating inner spiritual fitness and contentment, ensuring your well-being remains stable regardless of external achievements or failures.
4. Be of Service to Others
Engage in service to others as an antidote to self-focus and introspection, as giving away what you have (e.g., experience, help) helps maintain your own well-being.
5. Make Amends, Not Just Apologies
When you’ve harmed someone, go beyond a simple apology by making amends: ask for forgiveness, be accountable, and specifically name what you’ve done, without being attached to the outcome.
6. Detachment from Outcomes
Practice detachment from the outcomes of your actions, especially when making amends or engaging in difficult conversations, to cultivate inner peace and contentment.
7. Practice Radical Honesty
Practice radical honesty with yourself by acknowledging and accepting your weaknesses rather than denying them, and then strive to show up authentically in the world.
8. Fill Inner Emptiness Constructively
Consciously choose to fill inner emptiness with activities and substances that are constructive and do not cause self-harm or harm to others.
9. Reduce Judgment of Others
Actively work to reduce judgment of others, recognizing that it often stems from personal feelings of inadequacy, and cultivate a more compassionate perspective.
10. Accept You’re Not Always Right
Practice humility by accepting that your ideas are not always the best and that collective wisdom or group consensus can be more powerful than individual will.
11. Communicate with Good Energy
Prioritize the energy and intention behind your communication, ensuring it comes from a place of compassion, kindness, and positivity, aiming to unite rather than divide.
12. Live with Honesty and Integrity
Cultivate honesty and integrity in your actions and interactions, as these are fundamental to personal growth and well-being, especially in recovery.
13. Push Outside Comfort Zone
Regularly push yourself outside your comfort zone to foster personal growth and learning.
14. Learn from Others’ Stories
Actively seek out and learn from the stories and experiences of other people.
15. Stay ‘Right-Sized’ with Desires
Manage natural human desires (e.g., for security, comfort, wealth, love) by keeping them ‘right-sized’ and preventing them from becoming the sole focus of life, which can lead to chaos.
16. Seek Help for Addictions
If struggling with addiction or compulsive behaviors, reach a point of surrender and ask for help from a supportive community or fellowship that offers a common solution, practicing recovery one day at a time.
17. Avoid Self-Reliance & Obsession
Recognize the dangers of excessive self-reliance and self-obsession, as they can lead to isolation and negative outcomes; seek support and connection instead.
18. Daily Spiritual Practice
Incorporate a daily spiritual practice, starting and ending your day with readings, prayer, or reflection to cultivate inner peace and gratitude.
19. Engage in Recovery Community
If in recovery, regularly engage with a supportive community (minimum of four times a week) to share experiences, receive support, and learn from others’ solutions.
20. Maintain Service While Traveling
Maintain practices of service to others and connection with mentors/support systems even when traveling or away from your usual routine.
21. Pray for Others
Practice praying for others who are struggling, as this can bring a sense of peace and usefulness.
22. Delay Morning Phone Use
Delay engaging with your phone, work-related chats, or diary tasks in the morning until you feel mentally and spiritually ‘right’ or centered.
23. Beware of Misguided Self-Compassion
Be cautious that self-compassion and self-love, if misapplied or used as an excuse, do not lead to self-abandonment or a return to harmful behaviors.
24. Accept Seasonal Relationships
Accept that some relationships are seasonal and may not continue, even if deeply cherished, and trust in a larger plan rather than trying to manipulate outcomes.
25. Avoid Performative Authenticity
Be wary of ‘performative authenticity,’ especially on social media, as portraying an inauthentic version of yourself for validation can lead to internal emptiness and disconnect from your true self.
26. Focus on Craft and Effort
Embrace the ‘craft’ aspect of creative work, focusing on meticulous effort and attention to detail, rather than solely relying on inspiration or expecting things to ‘just land in your lap.’
27. Trust Creative Instincts
In creative endeavors, trust your instincts and rely on ‘feel’ to guide decisions, as sometimes over-tinkering can detract from the initial spark.
28. Believe in Your Message
When performing or communicating, convey your message with genuine belief and conviction, as authenticity and passion resonate more than technical perfection.
29. Value Truthful Feedback
Recognize that sometimes direct, honest feedback, even if not delivered with overtly ’loving’ language, can be a form of kindness and necessary for growth.
8 Key Quotes
I cannot afford resentments or judgment because if I'm in a space of resentfulness or judgmentalism the sunlight of the spirit is blocked and I'm wrapped up in myself again right back in the middle of my life.
Benjamin Francis Leftwich
I think success is happiness and true happiness in the soul you know I mean a feeling of contentment in one's heart.
Benjamin Francis Leftwich
I think pretty much all of us have a hole in our hearts and we seek to fill that hole with whatever we can.
Rangan Chatterjee
I don't feel like I became you know an alcoholic because I drank or used obsessively or excessively I think I drank and used obsessively and excessively because I am an alcoholic.
Benjamin Francis Leftwich
I keep what I have by giving it away.
Benjamin Francis Leftwich
Love and tolerance of others is our code.
Benjamin Francis Leftwich
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, admitting powerlessness is not a sign of weakness, it's a it's a runway to fly off into a beautiful life.
Benjamin Francis Leftwich
The way I say things is actually more important than what I say.
Rangan Chatterjee
2 Protocols
Benjamin Francis Leftwich's Daily Routine for Spiritual Fitness
Benjamin Francis Leftwich- Read pages from a book about his solution to addiction.
- Hit his knees and say a few prayers, even if unsure who he's praying to.
- Make coffee and read a daily reflection from a beloved book.
- Turn his phone on (after being 'right' and centered).
- Attend a recovery meeting a minimum of four times a week, listening and speaking.
- Before bed, hit his knees and give thanks for another clean and sober day.
- Pray for friends who are struggling with various diseases.
- Call a man in America who guides him through recovery suggestions.
Benjamin Francis Leftwich's Road Strategy for Sobriety
Benjamin Francis Leftwich- Attend meetings of recovering alcoholics and addicts on the road (every night in America, when possible in the UK, not longer than a few days without one).
- Listen to other people share their experience, strength, and hope.
- Stay 'right in the middle of the bed' with recovery principles.
- Call others and try to help them (be of service).
- Call his 'man in America' (mentor/guide).