The Science of What Really Makes Us Tick, How Status Impacts Your Health & The Modern Epidemic of Perfectionism with Will Storr #354
Will Storr, an award-winning journalist and author of "The Status Game," discusses how status, defined as being of value, underpins human behavior and health. He explains the link between rising perfectionism, unrealistic cultural ideals, and mental health problems, emphasizing the importance of having multiple sources of status.
Deep Dive Analysis
17 Topic Outline
The Link Between Perfectionism and Mental Health
Cultural Influences on Unrealistic Ideals
Neoliberalism's Impact on Competition and Individualism
Social Perfectionism and its Link to Suicide in Men
The Brain's Innate Status Detection System
Evolutionary Context of Status Seeking
Navigating Social Media: The Power of Muting
Understanding Status as the Feeling of Being Valued
The Three Fundamental Status Games: Dominance, Virtue, and Success
The Endless Nature of the Status Game
The Importance of Playing Multiple Status Games
Volunteering as a Source of Virtue Status and Connection
How Status Games Influence Health Behaviors
The Scale of Modern Status Games and its Impact on Well-being
The Profound Link Between Status and Health Outcomes
Local vs. Global Status Comparisons and Happiness
Identifying and Cultivating Your Own Status Games
9 Key Concepts
Status
Status is fundamentally the feeling of being valued by others, a sense that one is a valuable person within their social group. It is a core human need that incentivizes individuals to be useful and contribute to their tribe.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a sensitivity to failure in one's environment, often driven by feeling 'less than' or 'not good enough.' It is linked to negative mental health outcomes when the 'bar' for success is set unrealistically high by cultural ideals.
Social Perfectionism
This is a toxic form of perfectionism rooted in the imagination of what other people expect and think of oneself, rather than self-directed goals. It is particularly linked to suicidal ideation, especially among men, due to cultural pressures.
Status Detection System
An always-on, unconscious part of the human brain that constantly looks for signals of status in the environment and assesses one's own standing within social hierarchies. It drives our innate tendency to compare ourselves to others.
Neoliberalism
An economic theory embraced by governments in the late 1970s and early 1980s that emphasized individualism and competition. This policy shift led to a cultural environment where people became more competitive and individualistic by design, raising the bar for perceived success.
Dominance Game
One of the three main status games, where status is achieved through violence, the threat of violence, social bullying, ostracization, or other forms of social aggression. This is the oldest form of status-seeking, dating back to our animal ancestors.
Virtue Game
One of the three main status games, where status is earned by being a good person, selfless, courageous, or by adhering to the rules, traditions, and sacred beliefs of a group. It incentivizes selfless and prosocial behaviors within a community.
Success Game (Competence Game)
One of the three main status games, where status is gained by being skilled or good at something, achieving specific success-based outcomes, or demonstrating mastery. Examples include being a great hunter, storyteller, or entrepreneur.
Imaginary Audience
A psychological concept describing how individuals rehearse in their minds how others will respond to their behaviors and actions. This internal simulation influences self-perception of status and acts as a form of conscience, warning against actions that might lower one's standing.
7 Questions Answered
Perfectionism is increasing because cultural ideals (media, social media, celebrities) set an unreasonably high bar for what 'good enough' looks like, leading people to constantly feel inferior and stressed, especially in a competitive, individualistic society.
Social perfectionism is the belief that others have unmeetable expectations of you, leading to feelings of not being 'good enough' in their eyes. It is particularly linked to suicide, especially among middle-aged men, due to the cultural pressure to constantly earn and maintain a masculine identity.
Humans are wired with a 'status detection system' that constantly, unconsciously looks for signals of status and assesses our standing. Even with conscious awareness that social media is curated, our subconscious still processes these signals, making comparison an automatic human behavior.
The human brain tells a 'story' of happy endings and future happiness upon achieving goals, which motivates striving. However, the status game itself has no end, as there's always someone higher or a threat to one's current standing, making the pursuit continuous and often exhausting, as exemplified by Paul McCartney's concern over song credits.
Playing multiple status games acts as a hedge, providing diverse sources of identity and value. If one area of life (e.g., career) faces challenges, other sources of status can help maintain a sense of self-worth and reduce vulnerability to negative emotional spirals.
There is a strong, significant correlation between status and health. Studies like the Whitehall Studies show that higher status within a hierarchy is linked to better health outcomes and lower risk of early death, independent of wealth, suggesting that the psychological stress of low status directly impacts physical health.
To identify your status games, reflect on your identities, hobbies, and what you do that makes you feel competent or valued. If you find no sources of value in your life, it indicates a lack of this 'essential social nutrient' that needs to be addressed, and you should actively seek out new activities or groups.
15 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Multiple Status Games
Actively cultivate multiple sources of status or identity in your life, such as through hobbies, work, or volunteering. This acts as a hedge, providing resilience and stability if one area of your life faces setbacks, making ‘down days’ less severe.
2. Mute Harmful Social Media
Mute social media accounts that make you feel bad or inferior, even if you rationally know people only present their best selves. Your subconscious still takes in negative messages, and muting is a practical way to protect your mental health without unfollowing.
3. Seek Virtue Through Volunteering
Consider volunteering or engaging in activities that allow you to be of value to others, like Will Storr did with Samaritans. This creates a new ‘status game’ for yourself, providing a powerful signal to your subconscious brain that you are of value, leading to gratification and well-being.
4. Redefine Status as Value
Reframe your understanding of ‘status’ from wealth, celebrity, or material possessions to simply ‘being valued’ by others. This broader understanding helps you recognize that status is a fundamental human need that can be earned in many ways (moral, competence-based) and is not inherently negative.
5. Identify Your ‘Good Enough’ Bar
Become aware of who or what sets your personal ‘good enough’ bar, recognizing that culture, social media, and celebrities often set it unreasonably high. An excessively high bar leads to chronic feelings of inferiority, stress, and contributes to mental health problems like anxiety and depression.
6. Focus on Local Status Games
Concentrate on the ‘small status games’ within your immediate community and social circles rather than comparing yourself to people vastly above you on a global scale. Our brains are evolved to play status games in small groups, making local focus more natural and less stressful than competing in enormous global games.
7. Address Loneliness with Connection
If you are feeling isolated or lonely, actively seek out group activities or communities that provide human connection, even if it feels uncomfortable initially. Human connection is a vital ‘social vitamin’ that can significantly improve well-being, as Will experienced through volunteering.
8. Leave Toxic Status Sources
Identify if any of your current sources of status or social groups have become toxic or are hindering your positive health changes. Have the courage to disengage from them if they are detrimental to your well-being.
9. Make Health a Status Game
Frame your health goals as a ‘status game’ within a supportive community, similar to how organizations like CrossFit or Weight Watchers operate. Being part of a group where progress is shared and celebrated can make health changes more engaging and successful due to social rewards.
10. Understand Your Identity Games
Reflect on your identities—your hobbies, roles, and what you believe you are good at—to identify the status games you are currently playing. If you find no sources of value, it’s a problem to address, as status is an essential social nutrient for your sense of self.
11. Practice Self-Forgiveness for Comparison
When you find yourself comparing yourself to others or feeling inferior, practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Comparing is an automatic function of the brain’s ‘status detection system’ and affects everyone, even those with immense status.
12. Challenge ‘Happy Ending’ Myth
Recognize that happiness is not a fixed destination tied to specific achievements like getting a new phone or a better job; life is an ongoing game without a definitive ‘happy ending.’ This understanding can prevent exhaustion from constant striving for an elusive goal and foster contentment in the process.
13. Beware Performative Vulnerability
Be mindful of the potential for ‘performative vulnerability’ or ‘performative authenticity’ in yourself and others, especially online. When high-status individuals broadcast misery, misery itself can become high status, leading to people performing sadness for validation.
14. Recognize Status Drives Money
When pursuing goals like money or security, recognize that the underlying, more fundamental human drive is often status. Understanding this can help re-evaluate motivations and find more direct paths to feeling valued, rather than solely chasing financial metrics.
15. Avoid Neoliberal Mindset
Be aware of how the prevailing culture of hyper-competition and individualism (neoliberalism) might be influencing your perception of ‘good enough.’ This cultural shift has raised the bar for what is considered sufficient status to ‘crazy levels,’ contributing to widespread feelings of not being good enough.
9 Key Quotes
The project is economic, but the object is to change the soul.
Margaret Thatcher
Status is simply the feeling of being valued, is the sense of I'm a valuable person.
Will Storr
Nobody wants to feel likeable but useless.
Will Storr
Go for status. Because if you go for status, everything else gets better.
Will Storr
There ain't any happy endings. You know, that's not how life is because we're actually playing a game with no end.
Will Storr
Mute proudly.
Will Storr
If nothing that you're doing in your life makes you feel of value, if you don't think I'm good at this about anything, that's a problem... Status is an essential social nutrient. We need it to survive.
Will Storr
Life is the game.
Will Storr
We are not meant to win the status game, just to play it.
Will Storr
2 Protocols
Strategy for Social Media Well-being
Will Storr- Identify social media accounts that make you feel bad or 'less than' through comparison.
- Mute those accounts to protect yourself from constant negative subconscious signals.
- Do not feel bad or embarrassed about muting, as it is a natural human response to protect your well-being.
Strategy for Life Well-being
Will Storr- Identify your current 'status games' by reflecting on your identities, hobbies, and what makes you feel competent or valued.
- Actively cultivate and play multiple status games in different areas of your life to create a hedge against challenges in any single area.
- Focus on local status games within your immediate community rather than comparing yourself to global or celebrity figures.
- If you feel a lack of status, actively seek out new activities or groups where you can feel valued and competent, as status is an essential social nutrient.