How to Better Regulate Your Emotions | Dr. Marc Brackett
Dr. Marc Brackett, PhD, Yale Professor and Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, discusses emotion regulation and practical tools for emotional intelligence. He covers how childhood influences emotions, particularly in boys and men, and offers strategies for better self-awareness and interpersonal emotional management.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Actionable Insights
1. Adopt a Healthy Emotion Mindset
Recognize that no emotions are inherently “bad”; their impact depends on what you do with them. This mindset prevents dysregulation and allows for a more constructive relationship with feelings like anxiety, which can signal importance.
2. Practice the Meta-Moment for Regulation
When triggered, pause, take a breath, and envision your “best self” in that situation. This brief mental reset helps shift from automatic, unhelpful reactions to deliberate, goal-aligned responses.
3. Cultivate an Emotionally Intelligent Identity
Strive to identify as a well-regulated individual, similar to identifying as physically fit. This internal commitment makes emotional self-management an integral and consistent part of your behavior, reducing internal struggles.
4. Share Vulnerability with Strategy
When expressing difficult emotions, particularly as a leader or parent, pair your vulnerability with the strategies you’re employing to manage it. This models healthy coping and demonstrates capability, rather than weakness, for others.
5. Teach Emotion Skills Systemically
Infuse emotional intelligence training into children’s lives from an early age, providing them with skills and resources to understand and manage their feelings. This fosters resilience and prevents emotional suppression, leading to better well-being.
6. Engage in Intentional Co-Regulation
Support others in managing their emotions by being present and offering strategies, with the ultimate goal of empowering them to regulate independently. This instills belief in their self-efficacy, avoiding codependence.
7. Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary
Develop a precise vocabulary for emotions beyond vague terms like “fine” or “upset.” Accurate labeling helps in understanding your internal state, communicating needs effectively, and selecting appropriate regulation strategies.
8. Understand Your Emotional Assumptions
Reflect on your personal history and upbringing to uncover unconscious biases and assumptions about emotions (e.g., gendered expressions, fear of certain feelings). This self-awareness is vital for adaptive self-regulation and understanding others.
9. Reframe and Rethink Challenging Feelings
Employ cognitive strategies like reframing or distancing to tell yourself a new, more helpful story about a situation or emotion. Always evaluate if this new perspective genuinely aids your life and goals, acting as a scientist about your own experience.
10. Build Stress Tolerance Through Stillness
Incorporate practices like meditation to increase your capacity to tolerate stress and discomfort. This creates the necessary mental space to choose deliberate responses instead of automatic, habitual reactions.
11. Regulate Both Positive and Negative Emotions
Recognize that even intense positive emotions, like excitement, require management to ensure they don’t disrupt focus or lead to impulsive actions. Provide appropriate, time-bound outlets for expression, such as allowing a child a minute to share their excitement.
12. Embrace and Learn from Discomfort
View discomfort as an opportunity for creative problem-solving and growth, rather than something to be avoided or suppressed. This mindset fosters resilience and prevents paralysis when facing life’s challenges.
13. Prioritize Foundational Well-being
Ensure adequate sleep, nutrition, and physical activity, as these biological factors are critical for emotional stability and the brain’s capacity to engage in effective self-regulation. Replenishing these resources allows you to be your best self.
14. Practice Curiosity and Less Judgment
Approach others’ experiences with curiosity rather than immediate judgment, seeking to understand their stories and backgrounds. This fosters compassion, improves connection, and can de-escalate conflict, even if you don’t agree.
15. Routinely Evaluate Emotional Effectiveness
Periodically assess whether your current emotional responses and regulation strategies are effectively helping you achieve your life goals, improve relationships, and enhance overall well-being. This scientific approach ensures continuous learning and adaptation.